Stitch Fix #6

I have been signed up with Stitch Fix for a while and I very rarely order a Fix because frankly, I am just super picky. I like my clothes to feel and fit a certain way (comfy and as flattering as possible) and I am an awkward size/shape to fit. I buy clothes in 5 different sizes based on how they fit and that is really hard to describe to a stylist how I need my clothes to fit- hide my rolls, but not be so baggy that it makes me look frumpy- especially since it is someone I have never met! The more fixes I get, the closer we get to figuring out my style and fit. This fix had a few really good picks in it!

Review #6:
-The pink sweater was a little tight across my backside and open weave enough that it looked even tighter than it was. Needed a little more fabric across the front to feel comfortable. (Size XL)
-The green sweater was too long and square that it just felt really frumpy. (Size XL)
-Purple- I loved this shirt, the color and style are perfect, but it was a little tight in the hips and I knew I would constantly be adjusting and tugging on it. This is one of the many times in my life I wish I had a little more sewing skills so I could have made those little v-slits on the side seams to give the shirt a little more freedom to flow over my hips and it would have been perfect. I couldn't size up or it would have been too big in the shoulders. See comment above about having a hard to fit body type...(Size 1X)
-Dress- My mom and sisters loved this one, but it just felt frumpy to me. Being an all over print with a heavier, gathered fabric, it just felt overwhelming. I added the scarf and it looked TONS better, but with it being short sleeved, I hated that I wouldn't be able to wear it multiple seasons since it needed something to break up the neckline. If it were v-neck or a little less fabric in my hips, maybe?? (Size 1X)
-Black lace top- I really liked this one too, but I have 3 other cute black tops currently in my few items that fit rotation and didn't feel like I needed more black. I am trying to add more color to my life, and this didn't work for that. (Size 1X)

Even though I didn't keep anything, I love that I am able to try on styles that I might not normally pick for myself and there is no commitment to keep them. With a free code to order, I am not wasting any money on a chance to find pieces for my closet that I love. The best part for me is that Stitch Fix gives you a second chance! If I return all five items, they give you a free option to try again. If you would like to try a fix for free, use my code https://www.stitchfix.com/referral/5639548?sod=w&som=c and it gives you a free fix and me a $25 credit to use! :)

OSU/KSU 2017

On Saturday Michael and I went with some friends (Paul and Claudia McGinness) to the Oklahoma State/Kansas State game in Stillwater, OK. Since we have moved back to Kansas and are within driving distance we have tried to go with friends every year to the K-State game and have only missed one so far! This year was windy and cold, but we were able to bundle up and have a good time.

In the car on the way to pick up the McGinness'

Claudia and I waiting on the boys to come back with seat cushions

View from our seats

The four of us!

It is so nice to have a few times a year to get away without my girls and have some adult time. I love being able to just be "Kim" and not "mom" and come back refreshed and ready to jump back into being "mom" again! 

Music Program 2017

Our elementary school always puts on the most amazing music programs that are completely written/arranged by our music teacher. This year, she took our school Disney theme and put together the cutest program ever! She wrote it where characters come out of a magical book and they sang all Disney songs (other than the traditional ending song of Silent Night/Peace Peace). Since our elementary has grades K-4, the 4th graders audition for the speaking and singing parts and then there are community members that fill in some extra parts along the way. 

Since Hannah is in 4th grade this year, she auditioned and got the part of Jasmine from the cartoon Aladdin. She was so excited to get a singing solo and she did an amazing job (in her mom's very biased opinion 😉). I have added the video my mom took from the program for those who want to watch. 

Rachel dressed and ready to go! 

Hannah with some of her friends- Caroline and Cecil
(the main girls in the program) and Elena as Anna from Frozen.

Hannah with Callie who played Gazelle from Zootopia

The girls being silly before we left the house.

Hannah with Emma as Rapunzel from Tangled and Rhianne as Giselle from Enchanted.

Hannah with Brynley as the lava girl from the Disney short film Lava.

#Iamthiskindofmom

I have recently started following Simply on Purpose on Instagram and Facebook and it has been encouraging to hear her approach to parenting and finding a way to raise your kids with purpose. Her current push is on being the kind of mom that God created you to be and finding your strengths and embracing them (and not beating yourself up about the things that you may not enjoy). It has made me take a step back and think about the kind of mom that I am. It is so easy to see the gifts of those around you and to compare and feel like you are not "good enough." It is so much harder to see those things in ourselves.

If I had to list my strengths, is it a list that I am proud to admit and embrace? Is it OK to let go of some of the things that I wish were different? My one mom label that I feel like is a strength would be that I am a "reading mom." I love to read to my kids, encourage them and provide ample opportunity to get new paper books from the library and audio books from the online lending library. It is the one thing that I feel like I have been successful at parenting- teaching them to read fluently and enjoy it! :)

One of my weaknesses would be that I don't enjoy unstructured play and especially hate pretend play. I do not enjoy pretending to be a horse or a Barbie and make up stories. I know that as a kid, I was great at playing dolls, but now I cannot handle more than five minutes of pretend play without wanting to poke my eyes out!

I wish that there were more things that I could confidently add to my strengths list- cooking mom, fun playground mom, birthday party mom, healthy/organic mom, trendy mom, sewing mom, patient/calm mom, the list goes on and on. My goal for the next few weeks is to start letting go of the guilt that I have for the things that I am not and figure out more of the things that I do well and enjoy those things with my kids!

Halloween 2017

This year both girls struggled to come up with a costume idea they were excited about. We went back and forth for over a month and looked at costumes every time we were at Walmart, but couldn’t find anything they loved. Hannah had the idea to be a nerd. We were able to buy some $5 sunglasses and pop the lenses out and some $6 suspenders and use clothes she already had! I think it turned out really cute! Carrying her Dictionary was all her own idea, but after a few houses she decided it was too heavy. The first picture was Halloween night when it was 40 degrees outside and the second was for Trunk-or-Treat on Sunday when it was 70 degrees! We had to add lots more layers on Tuesday!

 Rachel had to be convinced a little on her 80’s costume. We looked on Pinterest and she didn’t like anything! She also is picky about not having an itchy costume so once I found the sliver leggings and oversized sweatshirt I talked her into it! We had the “leg warmers” (aka baby legs from when she was a baby) and a friend with a crimping iron and it was perfect!

This was also the first year I let them design and carve their own pumpkins. Giving them the chance to try things and give up control is really hard for me, but they did a great job!

First Day of School

I realize that it is end of October, but if I am going to start blogging again, I thought it would be good to update some things! :)  The girls have grown and changed so much since I quit blogging. Hannah is in 4th grade (her last year at the elementary school!!) and Rachel is in 2nd grade. They both do great in school and love to read!

Both girls got teachers that are new to our school. It is a little scary getting the teacher that none of us knew before the year started, but they have been amazing teachers and the girls are thankful they got the teacher they did!

 Life is never dull with these two!

Unloading my thoughts

WOW, it has been a long time since I have been on here, but I just needed to process some of what is happening in my head and in my life right now and this feels like the safest place to do that.

God has me currently in a valley. I have been on some amazing peaks and some low valleys, but He has always been faithful. I have hit some snags on my "happily ever after plan" I created years ago. My expectations and reality are different and I am struggling to find joy in the reality. The vision of me being a perfectly happy stay at home mom after my kids started school was not my reality. Once the girls got into school, I was bored and lonely staying home and took a job at the school to get more plugged into our town and to get out of the house. Being a working mom was never on my radar and to be honest, I am not great at it! However, working at the school still lets me be the stay-at-home-mom that I love being when my kids are out of school. Giving up that time I have with them is not something I am willing to do, but I also don't feel like working at the school is using any of my talent and passions and frankly, I often am bored at work too...Basically, I have been spending lots of time with God and looking deep inside to find out what He has for me. I have looked into going back to school for a different degree, I have tried to think about what am I passionate about and how could that translate into something to use my time wisely while the girls are at school. I still haven't figured out answers to those things, but I know that He has a plan and He created me with skills and passions to use in ways that glorify Him, and until He leads me in another directions, I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Friendship is the second reality adjustment. I grew up watching my mom have amazing friends to do life with. I thought that is what my life would look like as well, my own little village of moms to support me and help be other parents to my children. While I have been blessed with some amazing friends throughout my life and I am thankful that some of my friendships have stood the test of time and distance, I don't have a village here in town. I love those friends that as soon as you meet, it is just easy-easy conversation, a level of comfort to let your walls down and just be 100% real. Those are the friendships that I have been blessed with in the past. Not having that after all the time we have lived here starts to eat at your confidence. Is it me? Am I not worth being friends with? Or is it that I just haven't met the right person? Am I just being too picky and need to work harder to connect with some of the great people that I have met that I just didn't feel like I "clicked" with? We have made some changes the last few months, most drastic was changing churches to a local church to help make new connections in town. This was a hard step for us that I am hoping pays off over time. I am also trying to get involved with Civic Club and other things to meet different people. I am still holding out hope that I will find my local tribe, but until then, I will continue to visit my mom and sisters and get my friendship cup full spending time with them and making phone calls to my friends that are scattered all over the US.

Another piece of reality I am struggling with is my size. I am 37 and I wish this weren't still a struggle for me. I am raising two amazing, beautiful girls and I want them to never have to go through all that I have gone through with my weight. I used to think that if I just could look a certain way and buy the clothes that look amazing on others that somehow THAT will make me happy, but I know from experience smaller does not equal happier. I have been on every diet imaginable and I have had success on some of them. My problem is this- if I want to be a smaller size, it requires SO much time and effort. To be smaller, I have to count every calorie I put into my mouth and find time to exercise 3-4 times a week and it consumes most of my time and thoughts (how many calories have I eaten, what will I be eating for dinner so I can plan breakfast and lunch, no snacks at the party tonight because I won't have any left for the day-or starve all day so I am not "that person" at the party that refuses to enjoy the treats the host prepared). I am exhausted just even thinking about how much work it takes to be a smaller size. I know that my thyroid issues are a small part of this and my natural tendency toward laziness is the large part of it. I am so thankful that Michael doesn't care about what number is on my clothes and loves me regardless of what end of the size spectrum I am on, but here is where I really am having a hard time- am I possibly setting my girls up for failure by being a bad example by not making my health my top priority? Or is not embracing the size my body naturally is and not just loving the body I have teaching them to hate their bodies too? Does being obsessive about food and exercise teach them that size is the priority? Does it really matter as much as it does in my head? I don't know, but I would love to look at pictures of myself and be happy with what I see and I want the same for them!

Overall, I know that true joy comes from God and I am trusting that he has a plan and purpose for this current valley. He has faithfully led me through many other valleys during my life and he won't fail me now! I also know that sometimes He makes us uncomfortable where we are so that we are open to change. I am not sure if that is what He is currently doing, but I am just going to keep trying to love those He puts in my path and be open to the journey.

Sidenote: I know that overall, I am truly blessed. I have a husband that I love and that loves me, healthy happy children, a home that is more than we deserve, food in the kitchen and families that love us. I don't want this to come across as complaining because that is not my intent. I am just in the midst of a struggle and hoping that sharing our life on here again will help me to process along the way. Even if nothing else, I love having a place to share our life that feels more personal than Facebook and my kids love looking back at the old posts!