Motherhood...

It never ceases to amaze me how honest some of the other bloggers are when it comes to serious, personal matters. There are times when I wish that I posted more than just a chronological look at our lives, and other times the idea of sharing my thoughts, concerns, struggles, and issues scares me to death!!

I have read some recent posts such as this and this that really make me think and look at how I am living and even more important, how I look at raising my children. I have to say that before we decided to have kids, I thought that I knew everything since I had babysat and worked in nurseries for 15 years. I have had to discipline, teach, and take care of the basic needs of children of all ages. I have seen children that needed more discipline, less discipline, and different discipline and I was the first to tell you my opinion (wanted or not). I really thought that I knew more than some of my friends that are moms and that I would have no problem raising a kid without being "that mom" (you know the one that always takes their kid to the doctor when they sneeze or the one whose child throws fits in the grocery isle).

I am not good at asking for help and I hate looking stupid in front of anyone! Because of this, I read as many parenting books, websites, and magazines as I could get my hands on just in case there were things that I didn't know before having Hannah! I really felt like I was prepared for anything! Then I had her...

Motherhood is the most wonderful, exciting, and rewarding job that I have ever had. Period. I wouldn't trade it for all the money in the world. However, I never knew how much I would second guess every single decision that I make. I worry am I not feeding her enough, or too much; am I feeding her the right things in the right order (because every book has a different opinion and who is to say which one is the right one!); is the choice to let her sleep in the swing this once going to mess up her sleeping pattern for the rest of her life; am I setting the example for her that God would have me to; etc. I have to say in all of this self-doubt, there is one thing that has helped me- I am not the only one! I have talked to multiple friends and as mothers, we all feel the same way! Friends with older kids say that they are past the basic needs worries and now they second guess their discipline choices, the school they put their kids in, their after school activities, their decision on if they can go to a sleepover or not, and the list goes on and on. The hardest part is that you don't know if you did the right thing until years later. You don't know if they are going to turn out to be happy, well-adjusted adults that make good decisions until they become adults!

Through the last few months I have learned one thing: we all do the best we can with the knowledge that we have at the time. We all have different kids with different personalities and as a mom, you have to decide what is best for your kid. I am slowly learning to accept this and stop comparing myself to other moms and stop comparing Hannah to other kids. It is SO much harder than it sounds, but slowly I am learning to lean on God to fill in the gaps and not beat myself up over the little stuff. I also will never again say, "my child will never do _____" because, you never know and I now know "that mom" is just doing the best she can.